How fast is that wine?

I’ve got seriously bad news for you, fella.

No one is impressed by your ‘I don’t drink white wines’ stance.

Actually, it makes you look like an ass.

Here’s the thing…it’s really ok to prefer a particular wine or a specific grape over another. One could even claim not to like wines from a particular place without sounding like a complete moron. But to prefer a color? Really? That’s just stupid.

You see, the pigmentation of a grape, and the subsequent wine, really tells you very little about the wine. LIke, almost nothing.

I mean, color has no flavor. White wines may or may not taste differently from red wines, but there is absolutely no precise (or even typical) white wine flavor. Likewise, no precise (or even typical) red wine flavor. So, when you say you don’t like the flavor of white wine, what in the hell are you talking about?

Color has no weight or viscosity. One can make a ‘big’ white wine or a ‘light’ red wine. The body of the wine is not color dependent; other factors, such as thickness of the skin of the grape, ripeness of the grape when picked, sugar level of the grape when picked, water content of the grape when picked, amount of time the grape skin is in contact with the grape juice, how long was the wine aged, and in what type of vessel, are among the many factors in the resulting viscosity of the finished wine. Not one of them has to do with pigmentation.

Serving temperature is not determined by color, but rather, by tradition. In fact, the ‘serve at room temperature’ rule for red wines only makes sense in the context of the history of wine, when there no central heating and room temperature was much cooler than is the norm today. So, we’re serving our reds much too warm. And since refrigeration didn’t exist until about 75 years ago, we’re serving our whites much too cold. Regardless, you can serve at any temperature you’d like. No one will call the wine police to stop you.

Age-worthy wines are not determined by color. Arguably, the most age-worthy wines made are Rieslings, which, uh, happen to be white. And, anyway, most of the bigots claiming to not like a color of a wine are not cellaring their wines.

Color doesn’t determine price or scarcity or demand or ‘seriousness’ of a wine. Wine ‘experts’ don’t prefer reds. Or whites. And if they claim that they do, it’s a clear indication that their ‘expertise’ is bullshit.

Declaring wine color as your sole reason for drinking a wine makes as much sense as buying a car on color alone. Is a red car faster than a blue car? How about yellow? Does a green car have a better resale value than a silver one?

So, do yourself a favor. Drink what you like, at whatever temperature that you like, with whatever food you like. Just shut up about it. The more you talk, the dumber you look.